Lately I’ve been so scared of death. I always remember about whether I spent my whole time well? Has my 25 years old time in this world been useful? Do I have a good life?
I have many things I am afraid of. That’s why I write this. I want to spill all out.
Foremost, I am afraid about my future. Which makes me afraid about when will I die.
Is it normal? I think about it five times a day. Imagining how would I die and leave alone in a dark hole. It terrifies me.
Will I get the chance to get married, having babies and family? Will I get the chance to fulfill my dreams visiting New York, London, Aberdeen, Tokyo and Mecca?
Mom keeps telling me about “I really want to see you get married soon. Look at your sister now. She is happy with her husband and son. She is 27 years old now”,
Which makes me counting. I am soon to be 26 years old, two months ahead. What have I done so far?
What have I done so far?
That question is haunting me. I feel like what I have done is never really enough. I could have done more, but I didn’t.