I always believe that kindness has a powerful and magical effect to people’s life. Kindness always works. Kindness attracts kindness. 

What I ask to God is not the perfect partner, or the most gorgeous in the planet, or the richest one. I just keep asking to give me the best one and let him be kind. 

Intinya, yang baik aja Tuhan. Yang paling baik buatku, keluargaku, agamaku. 

And now he’s there, showing me his admiration and so much attention. Giving me happiness, laughter and butterflies. Those things make me sure that he’s kind and that’s enough. 

So I pray continuously: 

Let him stay if he’s the right one. But if he’s not, just let him go. away, away. And find me his better replacement, God. 


Is Shopping Bad Habit?

I have this craziness: I can’t stand to see discount on clothes! I am subscribing many online shops and I check everytime they offer big discount. Once I see cute little dress, or cute shirt with very affordable price, my finger automatically runs through the click ‘Buy Now’ button. 

I even sometimes pay the shipping cost together with my friends who ordered from the same shops. Do you know the feeling when you really desire this skirt or shirt and it comes up with super big discount? It’s heaven on earth! 

Is it bad habit? I don’t know. Do I live like a shopaholic Rebecca Bloomwood? I am not sure. But yes, this habit costs much money so I almost don’t have savings. But I am happy so what should I do? 

Sorry for my future husband. That’s why I have to keep working someday. 


So I decided. 

to be with you.

to be together. 

to have this “trial and error”- an uncanny thing. 

i hope we are one of the successful one. 

so we won’t end up in a trash bin. 

You are just a good thing.

who is too unfortunate to be missed.

a good thing which I don’t want to get away. 


Unfamiliar Feeling

It was a familiar feeling from someone I used to love. I never experience it anymore from someone else. 

waiting for someone’s call, saying “i like you”, asking for dates, midnight conversation, listening for each breath thru lines, texting, giggling, laughing and telling someone about what have you done whole day. 

it was a nice and beautiful feeling. 

it becomes much better when someone you missed the most, someone who you’ve been thinking about, reach you by phone. 

and say “i like you” for countless times. 

and say “i want to see you tomorrow. let’s meet up”.  

sungguh. dicintai membuat orang bisa mencintai, bukan? 



He is a friend. He might turn into someone more than that. He took me to office. He accompanied me to bookshop and to some cool events in my city. He asked me for having lunch and dinner together. We had lunch once and dinner three times. He smells like something I never know. He  is not attractive. He speaks fast I sometimes hard to catch up. He texts me good morning, good night and something like “don’t forget to have your breakfast this morning”. 

He is still a student in university. He makes a lot of friends. Every place I go with him, there are always people who greets him, say hello and shake hands. He asked once, “are you comfortable with me?”, and I replied “No problem for me”. Which is not the answer.

I want to say that I don’t get use to be with a man like this. It’s been so long since a man gave me so much attention, like everyday. It’s been ages since I had someone to accompany me anywhere I want to go. Now I feel awkward. But it doesn’t mean I don’t like talking with you, I do like talking with you, time feels like flying everytime we talk. 

But what are we doing now? What are we? I have promised to myself to lock my heart for a while and not let anyone comes in. So I hope you can tell me exactly your intention or I will ask you first. So I can decide. about everything. that happened and will happen. between you and I. 


Trial and Error

Malam ini topik pembicaraannya masih soal relationship. Diatas angkot yang melaju ke arah rumah, dia menatap wajahku yang jelas sedang memikirkan  sesuatu. 

πŸ‘¦ : mikir apa? soal trial and error lagi?

πŸ‘§ : iya. 

πŸ‘¦ : kan sudah kujawab.

πŸ‘§ : I don’t understand. 

πŸ‘¦ : gak ada yang rasional kalo ngomong soal perasaan. 

πŸ‘§ : when they say “heart”, where the hell is that? I only know one, its function is pumping the blood. 

πŸ‘¦ : it’s right here. *tap his chest with his palm* 

πŸ‘§ : how do they know it’s there?

πŸ‘¦ : because the pain is in here. not in any place. 

πŸ‘§ : why do they call it heart, too? Why don’t they name it with another name? 

πŸ‘¦ shrugged 

πŸ‘§ : so they have two hearts. 

πŸ‘¦ : yes. one to pump the blood, another to feel something. 

πŸ‘§ : this is my stop. see you. 


Rasanya sudah begitu nyaman dengan diri sendiri. Selama ini hanya memikirkan diri sendiri, keluarga dan kadang-kadang pekerjaan. Walaupun setiap ada teman yang menikah tetap saja mupeng dan bertanya-tanya “giliranku kapan?”.

Sekarang pun saya penasaran apa yang akan terjadi kalau ada laki-laki yang jatuh hati padaku. Apa saya mau mengambil resiko untuk keluar dari zona nyamanku dan mencoba lagi menjalin hubungan? 

It’s been 5 years dan belum ada satupun lelaki yang kurelakan merusak siklus hidupku yang sudah begitu nyaman kujalani. 

Merusak jam tidur dengan telepon tengah malam. Mengharuskan diri untuk membalas pesan-pesan yang kadang begitu posesif. Jadwal ketemu yang bisa dihabiskan untuk beristirahat. See? Betapa sinisnya diriku sekarang akan having boyfriend-girlfriend stuff? 

Dan tetap saja mohon pada Tuhan agar jodoh dimudahkan padahal tidak mau membuka hati. tidak mau menerima orang baru menjadi bagian dari hidup. tidak mau hatinya dijatuhi cinta lagi. 

Mungkin waktunya akan ada di masa mendatang. Saat jatuh cinta menjadi sangat nyaman dan membahagiakan.