Tuhan saya bingung,

bagaimana mungkin Engkau tetap mencintai, mengasihi dan menyayangi hamba-hambamu di dunia padahal kami sungguh sungguh amat penuh salah, nista dan dosa?
Padahal kami banyak sekali melakukan pelanggaran, tidak taat, bermaksiat.
Bagaimana mungkin Engkau tetap memberikan kami perlindungan, kesehatan, akal pikiran?
Sungguh Tuhan saya bingung. 

Mengapa kasih sayang dan cinta-Mu begitu tak terbatas? 




My ex-boyfriend asked me to marry him. As if he didn’t know that I’m seeing someone. I apologized for I turned his proposal down. 

I might regret that someday. 

I might. But nobody knows what our life will lead us to.

Now, with nobody by my side anymore (I have this “in complicated” relationship status with Akbar, but I don’t feel like telling about it here), I go back to my cage. My old me, with the old habits of doing only 3 things: keep alive, read, socialize. 

I chose to live like this, I decided to be with no one for this moment. 

I am sure when my time comes, that would be a perfect timing. I don’t need to rush anything. I just want to be happy. 

Allah SWT knows best. I am sure of it. 



Everytime I have a difficult problem, I always ask my Mom’s opinion how to solve it. 
Including about my love life, about Akbar, about everything in between.

Akbar and I reached a decision to not seeing again each other. It’s hard, indeed. It’s hurtful, yes. However, it’s the best thing we can do. 

My Mom said it’s the best thing I should do. And when I’ve done what she said, it’s such a relieve. I hope Allah SWT is on my side, supporting my decision.