Our wedding invitation is coming from Jakarta. I keep reading at it, how it is still unbelievable for me that my name will be with Lam’s on it.

Riana & Ilham

How could it be? Life is just so surprising, so unpredictable.

I remember one time when Dini, Nita and I had this sleepover in Melia Hotel. I was watching something in Youtube when a question popped up in my head and I said it loud,

“Who would be my husband in the future?”

Dini heard it and said, “You are now in relationship and you still asked that?”

(I was still with Akbar back then)

And who would have thought that I am going to marry Ilham in a year and half after?

Who would have thought?


Open and Close

I prefer a private wedding party with limited people. Only family, colleagues, and close friends will be there. I think about 200-250 people only. They will sit in a round table, eating, talking, laughing, and watching the reception with joyful heart.

I never intend to spread the invitation to any social media. I want to send it one by one. Even it’s through text message, post, email, private message, or I give it personally.

I am the close one. I want only some people, who really know about me, who care, will come.

However, Lam is different. He is the open one.

He would like to invite everybody, every family, every relatives, every friend, colleague, senior, junior, to the event. He thinks about 500 people or more, standing up, enjoying music, food and taking pictures.

He wants to go public, while I want to take private.

We know we are different, but as we write in our invitation:

“Despite of all our differences, we choose to be together”



I haven’t told you about the trip we had taken to Bira, Bulukumba, days after our Engagement Day.

So, we asked Rainbow and her photographer boyfriend to shot our prewedding pictures in Bira. They were our college friends and Rainbow also is one of my close friend. It felt like a special roadtrip so I was so excited.

Never I imagined that I would be so grumpy along the way since she mentioned about all the trip she had with Lam in the past. It was like whenever Rainbow went, Lam would be there.

Lam, do you remember when we were in…? We did this, took this, did this, saw this… It was amazing, right?

And everytime, Lam would reply her with a warm answers. He sounded so cheerful, he made the loudest laugh, he looked so happy. He rarely talks like that to me. In that moment, he looked more free.

The conversation had been on like that for hours. Only her and Lam. Her boyfriend and I just kept listening.

I know Lam and Rainbow were bestfriend. I know that they have been to many places more than Lam and I have. But still, eventhough Rainbow was my best, and Lam was my fiancè,…

I know I shouldn’t feel or think like that. I know jealousy is a sign of insecurity. But I felt it, naturally. I meant like, if we watched sad movie you would naturally cry, right? I was not mad, I was just scared. Will me and Lam make more memories in the future?

When Lam and I finally could talk in person, I asked him about it.

Why is it the way you talk to me different when you talk to Rainbow?

What do you mean?

You look happier, more free, you don’t hold back. You say what you want to say and you talk loud.

Of course, because Rainbow is a friend. When I talk to you I speak gently. I put attention to what I say, word per word. I don’t want to hurt your feeling. I am worried I would hurt your feeling. Are you jealous?




Months later, I know what he meant. Because that’s exactly what I sometimes do. If I want to talk to him, I planned my words first. Even the sequence. I even make a draft, and I read the draft when I talk to him (by phone, we are in long distance).

But it’s not because I am afraid of him and not feeling comfortable near him. No. I simply want to keep his heart away from upsetting. I don’t want to be the reason he hurts.

And I guess, that’s how we can tell when people are in love. They respect each other. They respect each other’s feeling.



That day, I went to Somba Opu Street with Lam’s family. We wanted to buy some jewelries for me, as my Mahr (dower). He wasn’t with us because he worked in Jakarta. But he kept us company by standing by in phone, just in case I needed him.
Me and his Mom (Bunda) got a wedding ring. It’s a simple ring, plain, made of gold, without anything on it. I liked it instantly. So I said “this is it, this is what I want”. The shopkeeper asked me whether I want to engrave my husband’s name at the backside of the ring or not.

“That would be lovely, thanks”, I said.

The shopkeeper asked me to write it down. So I wrote “Ilham”. Less than a minute, I got a ring with Ilham’s name on it. I couldn’t believe I will wear it once I’m officially married him. Like the rest of my life.

After got home, at night, I called him and told what happened today in detail. I told him I have his name on my ring.

“A complete name?” he asked.
“No, just Ilham”,
“I’d prefer you write Lam to Ilham but that’s okay”,