Libur Tlah Usai

Libur sebulan penuh akhirnya usai. Ini weekend terakhir sebelum senin besok mulai lagi ke sekolah, menjadi guru subject tiga mata pelajaran, mengajar puluhan siswa SD dan SMP. 

Minggu pertama libur saya menantikan Idul Fitri. Ramadhan masih ada beberapa hari. Minggu kedua, saya menghabiskan hari-hari bersama teman kampus dulu. Kami mengadakan reuni 10 tahun. Minggu yang berat, sebab di hari ke-2 Idul Fitri teman kami, Wulan, kembali ke Rahmatullah. Saya dan teman-teman bolak-balik Barru-Makassar untuk melayat dan mengunjungi orangtua Wulan. 
Minggu ketiga dan keempat, sudah masuk bulan Juli. Saya hanya di rumah. Leyeh-leyeh tanpa pressure apapun, goal apapun. Hanya di rumah, menjaga dan bermain dengan ponakan-ponakanku yang lucu. Menonton drama mulai dari Stranger Things, Big Little Lies dan 13 Reasons Why. 

Saya menanti Oktober, sebab di bulan itu saya akan punya libur lagi seminggu- kelar mid semester. Saya berencana main ke Jakarta, Bogor dan Bandung. So, ayo kerja dulu buat saving travel costnya. Katanya di September ada Garuda Travel Fair. 

Have a nice weekend everyone!

Ri

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Blend In

It’s been 6 months I’ve been working in school and I still feel don’t belong to it. I got these complicated coworkers and sometimes I feel get left behind. I feel unwanted. 

Today I didn’t go to school. I informed them about it and they didn’t respond even only with “okay”. 

This is the first time and the first place I feel difficult to blend myself in. Everybody has already got everyone and they don’t want to take anyone new to join in. 

They never feel like to inform me about anything. I have to ask, I have to know by myself, I have to find out by my own. Nobody wants to try to getting closer to me, nobody wants to joke or something. Everything is so formal and strict. They only joke around with their friends and I don’t understand which part the funny sides.

It’s been 6 months and I don’t have a friend. 

I wish everything will be different in a year. 

Ri

The Weird Thing About Relationship

We always hope that it will last. But it doesn’t. The weird thing is, no matter how awful our last trial, we will always try to get the courage to begin again, to start over again, to have the trial and error with a completely different person once more. 

It is hurtful when we know that we are not worthed to fight for till the end. Yet, we still high our hope that maybe if it didn’t work with A, it might work with B. And then, the same pattern happens once again. Then we start to believe, maybe, we are too awful for everyone, we are not deserve to be loved. 

In fact, you are. 

So, it’s time now to make yourself in peace, Ri. Forgive him whoever has hurted you, taken you for granted, cheated on your trust. 

Because love is that weird. And there must be someone out there who will love you unconditionally, who wants to say “Agree” to all your Terms and Conditions, to love you hard with all his heart, and to marry you, and gives you nothing but love and happiness. 

RI

Happy Birthday Riana

Happy birthday to myself! Another year has passed successfully. Life is hard and 28 years old living it seems a natural achievement, don’t you think?

So, thank you God. For giving me so much things I can’t count. 

My life is blessed. I have friends who love me. I have a boyfriend whom I adore and loves me back. I still have a family who live in a big house, full of food. I am healthy, beautiful and smart. I am a Muslim. I don’t have difficulties to access water and sunlight. 

I am not living in a war like one third of people are living now in their country. 

Lastly but not least, I am sure that Allah SWT and Rasulullah SAW are always by my side. 

Then, what do I need more? 

Life has been given me enough. I am thankful and I am so excited for the year ahead. 

RI

Hello 2017!

Helllloo!

It’s the second day of the new year of 2017 and I thought I want to say hi to my home. 

Jadi apa rencana tahun ini?

Karena menikah masih belum bisa terealisasi dalam dua tahun ke depan, mungkin saya akan loncat kembali ke rencana lanjut kuliah ke luar negeri. Tahun ini akan ambil toefl atau ielts test, incar skor 550 or 6.5
Lalu, akan ada pekerjaan dengan jobdesc dan lokasi yang baru di awal tahun ini. Jadi, akan ada banyak adaptasi dan semogaaa teman-teman yang baru.

Hal utama yang akan saya lakukan di tahun ini adalah menulis dan membaca. Lebih banyak postingan, lebih banyak terjemahan puisi di Medium, lebih banyak update buku di Goodreads. Hell yeah! 

Tahun ini akan ada badai besar dalam hidupku, kuramalkan seperti itu. But I will survive and hopefully, akan ada selalu lebih banyak orang-orang dekat yang mendorongku untuk maju dan lebih kuat. 

Akbar and I are having a complicated matter in terms of our relationship. I decided not to have a lot thoughts about it otherwise I will be depressed. Biarlah Tuhan saja yang mengatur gimana baeknya. I leave everything on God’s hands. 

So alhamdulillaah for everything. 2017, bring it on! Bismillah! 

RI

Hole

There’s a hole, a big hole in my chest. It’s open, hurtful and empty. 
I walk with that hole. I laugh, I walk, I eat and I pretend everything is alright while it’s not. 

We made it.

We hurt each other by words and by acts. 

And I hurt myself by hurting you.

RI

Get Up

Sakitku sudah berangsur-angsur membaik hari ini. Entah apa yang membuatku bangkit dan kembali  bersemangat. 

Hari ini banyak sekali kabar bahagia dari kawan-kawan dan saudaraku.

Isti’s tolobalango. 

Amel’s sweet 17 birthday will be held in PH Pettarani

….

And at the end of the day, Akbar called. He said sorry for being such a jerk lately. He promised to come in Amel’s day this Friday. I said thank you for making time. 

He said, “what I did can’t compare to what you did to me, Ri. You are just the kindest”.

It blew me away. 

I love you, thank you very much. 

RI