Rencana Tuhan

Belakangan, di dua bulan pernikahan kami, saya sering flashback ke masa lalu. Saya merenungi dan berusaha menghubung-hubungkan satu peristiwa dengan peristiwa lainnya. Biasanya renunganku akan berujung pada bagaimana saya dan suami akhirnya bersama-sama. Dan betapa jalan tersebut adalah salah satu hal yang paling saya syukuri.

Tentu saja itu bukan kebetulan. Jodoh ada di tangan Tuhan. Betapa jauhnya garam dan asam berasal, akhirnya mereka toh bertemu juga di panci dapur kita. Betapa besarnya usaha kita untuk bersama seseorang, jika mereka bukan jodohmu, pasti ada saja jalan agar kalian tidak bersama, begitu pula sebaliknya.

Suamiku, Lam, adalah orang yang baik. Saya sering sekali terharu dengan perhatian kecil dan kasih sayangnya. Saya tahu dia mencintai saya segenap jiwa. Saya tahu saya mencintainya segenap raga. Saya merasa Tuhan mencintai saya sebab Dia menakdirkan saya menjadi istri Lam.

Keputusan kami menikah bukan perkara mudah dan cepat. Kami terpisah jarak dan enam tahun itu bukan waktu yang kau habiskan begitu saja tanpa ada orang lain singgah di hidupmu, bukan?

Tapi Lam yakin, meskipun segalanya, suatu saat, saya akan bersama dia.

Saya senang sekali menatap lekat wajah Lam saat dia tidur di sampingku. Bernapas, mendengkur atau kadang mengigau. Kadang dia gelisah, kupeluk dia sampai tenang. Kusapu rambutnya. Kucium pipinya. Kupastikan agar dia nyaman. Hingga dia tertidur.

Betapa dia adalah suami yang bertanggung jawab dan pengertian adalah anugerah yang sangat kusyukuri. Dia mengutamakan kebahagiaanku, kecukupanku, kebutuhanku. Memang belum bisa dia berikan semua yang kuinginkan, tapi dia selalu berhasil menenangkan hatiku dan hal-hal yang kurang darinya, menguap begitu saja.

Kadang saya merenung kejadian di masa lampau. Mengapa begini, mengapa begitu, mengapa yang ini harus terjadi dulu. Saya belum paham alasannya, jawabannya. Tapi apapun itu, saya percaya, saya yakin. Bahwa apapun itu, adalah rencana Tuhan.

Dan rencana Tuhan adalah yang paling baik.

Ri

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Berumah Tangga

First of all, happy new year 2019! Can you believe it’s already January 2019? Time runs really fast, doesn’t it?

Okay,
It’s been 2 weeks since I have arrived here in Jakarta. My Mom and Dad accompanied me coming here to see my rented house that I’m going to live in with my husband, Lam. They came back last Sunday to Makassar. I was a bit worried and terrified at first, knowing the fact that I wasn’t going to be in one roof with them anymore.

However, Lam has been a really wonderful husband that anyone has ever asked for. He is so understanding, so kind, so helpful, so loving and he talks gently at me. He works as hard as horse every morning till evening. And when he comes home, after we have dinner together, he plays Mobile Legend for hours. I can’t complain. I don’t want to, either.

How about me?
I’m trying to survive. I cook, I take care Lam’s clothes, I prepare him meals, I clean our house, I do the dishes, I eat, I watch movies, I write, I read, and I look for a job. In Jakarta, everybody is looking for a living. I can’t annoy Lam when he’s at work. Sometimes I am bored as hell, sometimes I cry for homesick. But what can I say? That’s the life I am living now. I have to make my own new comfort zone. I have to be here supporting my husband. I have to be useful at least for him because that’s what a wife should do, beside her husband. Nowhere else.

Ri

Two Days To Go

Two days to go insya Allah, and I’m leaving for Jakarta to see my husband, finally!

Rasanya semakin dekat semakin berat. Rindu semakin tidak terkendali. Barusan saya mengirim pesan kepadanya,

“I don’t want to be apart with you for a long period like this anymore, ever again.” and he simply replied, “Okay.”

I can’t do long distance relationship. I might be too weak to survive. I always want to be close with the one I love.

I miss him. I miss him more now, because I stay in his family house in Antang. I have been here for three days. Tomorrow I’ll be back home in Telkomas, packing everything in suitcases and flying to him on Monday afternoon.

Dear Allah,

please make it easier for us, because nothing is easy unless You make it that way.

Thank you

Ri

The Birthday Boy

Dear my nearly-future husband,

This is the day, 31 years ago, you began existing. This is the day when God disposed everything about you; your destiny, your fate, people you’ll meet and the woman you’re going to marry. I know you don’t care about your birthday but I do care. I care because this is an important day. I care because without it, I might not be where I am now and without it, we might not be together like we are now.

I love you for so many reasons. I love you because you believe in me. I love you because you make me laugh with silly jokes. I love you because you are a passionate, hardworking and kindhearted person. I love you because you tell me I’m pretty with zero makeup. I love you because you can handle all my complains, my madness, my pms and my childish drama. I love you because you buy me my favorite books. I love you because you call and videocall me between your break time at work. I love you because we’re so different, we have almost nothing in common, yet you still want to spend your lifetime with me.

I love you more than the books I have in my shelf and my cute dresses I have in my wardrobe put altogether. I love you more than the guy who invented Indomie flavour. I love you more than the love of Jack to Rose. Thankyou for allowing me to be your partner in crime, in life and to be your plus 1 in every events you’ll attend in the future.

Happy birthday, Lam.

I’m so thankful that you were born. Our great adventure shortly begins and I can’t wait to see what our future holds.

Forever and always,

Love,

Ri

I wrote this letter in his 31st birthday last month, on 29th October 2018, when we were still engaged. I wrote it and read it to him by phone call. I couldn’t give him any sweet surprise or gifts or anything. I didn’t bake him a cake. I wish I could give him more than this in his next birthdays.

Marriage Life Episode Two

How hard could it be having a long distance marriage?

I thought it was easy but it isn’t. Everyday, when I wake up in the morning, I think about my husband who is supposed to wake up next to me. I missed the mornings we spent before he went back to Jakarta, we kissed and hugged and said “good morning, sayang” into each other’s ears.

Now we must hold ourselves back.

I am counting down to the day I finally can move to Jakarta, following him. Home now is where my husband is and I have to wait for 4 weeks to go to be able to go home.

Lam is such an amazing and loving husband. I’m so thankful having him as my life partner. I know he’s not perfect but he’s trying to be one.

He has found a rented house for us to live in Jakarta. At the moment, he’s moving in and starting to clean up every corner of the room. He has told me his plans how to manage the house so we can live there comfortably. He always says, “Be patient, we will try to furnish the house one by one. I can’t do it at once”,

I hope everything is going well for us. Bless us God.

Ri

Renting a House

Rasanya tidak percaya kalau kurang dari 2 minggu lagi (12 hari lagi tepatnya), saya akan menjadi istri seseorang.

Istri seseorang.

I can’t believe myself I’m going to be someone’s wife.

Lam, can you believe it?

Kita berdua akan menjadi pasangan suami istri. Tinggal bersama di satu atap, makan sama-sama, tidur sama-sama dan memutuskan masa depan kita bersama-sama. Jika Allah SWT mengizinkan, kita akan menjadi orangtua dari anak-anak kita.

After we’re married, in this end of a year I will move to Jakarta. I’m going to say goodbye to my family and friends and also all my life in Makassar. You and I are going to live in a rent house near your office.

Our life will be totally different. I’m excited and terrified as well.

Lam, you’re going to be my husband. You are going to be the answer of the unsolved mystery that has been haunting me since my mid 20s.

Ri

Wedding Dress

It’s 17 days to our wedding ceremony.

Salah satu hal yang paling penting bagi bride to be like me adalah memilih gaun pengantin. We both had chosen the vendor yang surprisingly cukup memenuhi selera dan affordable (meskipun bagi beberapa orang ini masih pricey).

Namun, beberapa minggu lalu, saat indo botting (sebutan bagi orang yang menyediakan perlengkapan pengantin mulai dari pakaian hingga perlengkapan pernikahan maupun upacaranya) memperlihatkan wedding dress yang selesai dia jahitkan padaku, I was shocked karena gaunnya tidak sesuai ekspektasiku. I only wanted a white dress gown in simple manner but she made me a cream gown with payet di beberapa bagian dan bordiran di bagian roknya.

Saya dan Mama panik dan berpikir super keras, apakah tetap mau memakai gaun yang terlanjur dibikinkan tapi tidak sesuai dengan keinginan? Atau apakah kita mau mencari gaun di vendor yang lain? dengan konsekuensi harus lagi mulai dari nol dengan waktu yang begitu mepet? Belum lagu uang down payment yang sudah terlanjur dibayarkan ke vendor sebelumnya apakah mau direlakan saja?

Setelah berdiskusi cukup lama dengan indo botting, akhirnya dia memintaku fitting gaun yang lain. gaun pengantin putih. Dengan ogah dan malas karena kecewa, saya pun fitting dan saya tak menyangka saya menyukainya. It fits in my body (saya harus menghilangkan beberapa timbunan lemak di perut).

Saat indo botting tau saya menyukai gaun putih itu, dia juga cukup kaget as she said “That’s the gown you wanted? It’s easy and simple! I can make it for you in a week or two!”

Dan akhirnya begitulah kesepakatan dan keputusan diambil. Sekarang, saya menunggu gaun putih yang dijanjikan padaku selesai dijait. Semoga kali ini memenuhi ekspektasi dan harapanku as I want my wedding dress looks stunning on me. I don’t want to compromise because it’s only once in a lifetime and I really care on what I’m wearing in my super special event.

Help needed and waited, ya Allah.

Bride to be,
Ri