Anak Bapak

Malam ini saya jadi anaknya Bapak. 

Saudaraku yang lain jadi anaknya Mama.

Kupikir, nanti di masa depan saya akan menjadi seperti Bapak. 

Sama bingungnya seperti Bapak. 

Dan saya akan merasa terpojok karena saudaraku yang lain akan menjadi seperti Mama. 

Sama cerdasnya seperti Mama.

Dikala saya merasa sendiri seperti itu, maukah kau, sayang, merangkulku? 

lalu mengatakan takkan pernah meninggalkan tempatmu yang sudah ditakdirkan, disampingku? 

RI

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I Pity Myself

This is going to be a quick post since less than 20 minutes, my evening class will be started.
I just can’t get this thought out of my mind.

I pity myself.
I pity myself not to have enough time to take care of my parents.
They are busy, so am I and I just can’t manage to only say “Hi” every morning. I hate that. I hate for the fact that I am sometimes not able to wake up to pray Subuh or to make tea for my sick mother and to my busy and old father. I hate that yet I do it every single day.

This morning I realized all these things and I drowned in regrets.

O dear God, I hope there will be enough time for me to take care of my parents in the near future.

RI

Notes from Rain

It’s been raining since morning. I planned to go to Zoya in Perintis today but because of rain, I postpone that plan. Here is one reason I really want to have a car. My parents cannot afford it neither my sister and me. So, yeah. I don’t put my hope too high on reality.

Ramadhan is going to an end. Couple days more. It’s time to put a big mirror in front of me and reflect “am I now a better person than last Ramadhan?”

Only God knows.

So many bad news recently. Gaza has blown up with missile, so many innocent people died. MH17 airlines was shot down in Ukraine, 295 died. Typhoon in Phlippine.

But so many happy days too from my family and friend. Like I said before, my two sisters passed the entrance exam in Senior High School and Hasanuddin University. It was like a miracle.

My two friends are getting married. And probably I will attend her wedding in Jakarta this November.

Work in office getting harder. But I am already 6th ONC this month. Time flies.

Sunshine

Eid Mubarak

Hello! What have been up to guys? Been a while, huh?

First, I want to say minal aidin wal faidzin. Maafkan lahir batin ya. Apapun yang saya posting disini yang tidak berkenan di hati, mohon dimaafkan. I did it not on purpose.

So, tahun ini saya merayakan lebaran di Jakarta. Sendirian. Hahahaha. Yes, I did it and it thruu finally. No families, no sungkeman, no pelukan sama keluarga, no ketawa ketiwi, no siara’. Nothing. Sebelumnya, pas Kak Aan tau, dia bilang, “selamat menjadi semakin kuat, Ri”. Awalnya saya tidak paham. Tapi setelah merasakan dan melewatinya, baru kemudian saya mengerti. It hurts like a thousand knives stab my heart.

Tapi Tuhan tak henti-hentinya bersamaku. Adaa saja orang yang baik hati di sekitarku. Ibu Kos contohnya. Dia memberi saya setoples kue keju dan satu kantong rendang telor dan setoples kerupuk. Katanya buat lebaran. Dan dia juga bilang, karena gak ada warung yang buka, saya makan di bawah saja bareng sama keluarganya. Ibu Kos gak berenti naik ngecek ke kamar apa saya udah makan apa belum. Temen kosan semua pada mudik.

Gak ada yang spesial di Idul Fitri kali ini. Saya nginap semalam di rumah Rahma. Makan opor sama coto dan burasa. Selanjutnya hari-hari diisi dengan liputan dan liputan.

Baru kali ini saya mau waktu cepat bergulir. Saya ingin segera lompat ke Oktober. Dimana saya akan pulang menghadiri pernikahan Warni. Aaaak, I should prepare my dress too, right?

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Sunshine

Panic Attacks

I feel like not good enough, I feel like I’m the most stupid, immature person alive. My job, I love my job. Being a journalist was a dream came true. Alhamdulillah, God gave me such a golden opportunity but now… I feel like I lost my motivation. I’m drowning in despair. I lost the fun. Now, I have to collect the remains of my interest and pull my motivation back to my body.

Mom, I miss my mother. I miss my father. I miss my sisters. I envy all my friends who lived with their family together in one roof. I have to lived away with my family and this is my first time in my life been away from them. And I tell you, that was really hard. Sometimes, I cried in the middle of the night only because of looking my parents photos.

I lost the motivation and I HAVE TO GET IT BACK. No matter what, I have to work hard. I have to, no compromise. Because that’s what I’m doing here! I’m working, that’s why I’ve been away from my family, so I have to work hard!

I hope, I hope, everything always be fine, always be alright.

Sunshine