Ramadan and Idul Fitri holiday ended a week ago. My husband and I came back from our hometown to our home in Jakarta last Thursday. That was the first Idul Fitri I had as a wife and it still felt strange but in the other hand I was more content. Of course! Now I have two big families!
Telkomas (my family) and Antang (husband family) have some similarities but they were also different in some ways. For instance, the total number of each family is 15 and they both wanted to take family picture in the sake of “mumpung semua pada ngumpul” at the photo studio.
The family in Antang isn’t as religious as family in Telkomas. I can say this because when I had itikaf in Telkomas, all of us went to the mosque at 12am and stayed there praying until dawn. However, when I had itikaf with family in Antang, I only went with husband and my parents in law.
Family in Telkomas didn’t go to many relatives for Idul Fitri. We didn’t even visit Daddy family. But family in Antang went to many houses of relatives. The furthest was in Pangkep, 2 hours driving from the city. We visited aunts, uncles, cousins.
It’s not like I am saying one family is better than the other. I am only saying that I can feel the difference. And honestly, it was tiring going back and forth between two houses. We spent 3 days in Antang, 3 days in Telkomas, Ied prayer in Antang, and back again for 3 days in Telkomas and the last 4 days in Antang. Next time, we would only spend a week for each house.
This Idul Fitri, we also went to Pinrang (about 4 hours driving from city) to attend the funeral of Indah’s mother. Indah is our college friend. Her mom’s death was so sudden, she wasn’t ready. She was devastated I knew.
Today as I’m writing this, I started my Syawal fast. This is the 1st day. Syawal fast is 6days. I hope I can finish until next Wednesday.
Akhirnya kesempatan untuk mengajar di sekolah datang lagi. Efektif per Juli tahun ajaran depan saya insya Allah akan mulai mengajar lagi. Sekolahnya dimana? Masih rahasia. Besok baru mau teken kontrak. Jika semua lancar, saya tentu saja akan menulis update nya disini, atau di blog bugururiana.
Lam, my husband, also get his new job starts on June! Where? It’s also still between us. I’m going to tell you when he starts working there. Hint: it’s a big TV company in Indonesia.
We are so grateful and thankful for the blessings Allah SWT rewarded us. They are too many we lost count. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.
Half a year now.
Ramadhan day 7. I’m counting now the day to visit my family in Makassar for Eid al Fitr. I have new family this year, my husband’s family. It would be a different Eid for me and for my husband, too. We will spend the last week of Ramadhan in Makassar, insya Allah and a week after Eid. So we have 2 weeks to relax before going back to real struggle in Jakarta.
Pray for us, my friends. Thank you for always supporting us together.
Today was my last day in BCI School. I got a sweet little surprise farewell from my colleagues. They got in to Toddler class, where I had been waiting, and they sang “Kemesraan”. They gave me presents: a handbag and two photos framed. I was so happy I cried.
Actually it’s so hard for me to leave school. It’s been my comfort zone for the past two years. I go to school at 6.30 in the morning, got home at 4.00 in the afternoon. I teach many classes, I meet my students, talk to the parents, make worksheets, do the administration things, attend the weekly meeting, and the rest is having fun- school has many holidays every year. The salary is pretty good, I can help my family to pay this and that every month. I can eat well, I can buy dresses I want, I can watch movies in cinema, I can hang out with my friends and everything. It’s just so hard for me to leave the habit, the things I do everyday, the things I like.
However, I must leave. I must move from here and live with my husband in Jakarta. I must start my married life together with him. Being with him outweighs any perks of living my single life, outweigh any joyful feeling I get from the “comfort zone”.
I am sure that there will be many big things that might not happen if we only stay in our place and never move out of the comfort zone.
and I hope everything that follows after is good things that could bring me and my husband near to the good places, too, someday.
So, see you again, BCI.
That day, I went to Somba Opu Street with Lam’s family. We wanted to buy some jewelries for me, as my Mahr (dower). He wasn’t with us because he worked in Jakarta. But he kept us company by standing by in phone, just in case I needed him.
Me and his Mom (Bunda) got a wedding ring. It’s a simple ring, plain, made of gold, without anything on it. I liked it instantly. So I said “this is it, this is what I want”. The shopkeeper asked me whether I want to engrave my husband’s name at the backside of the ring or not.
“That would be lovely, thanks”, I said.
The shopkeeper asked me to write it down. So I wrote “Ilham”. Less than a minute, I got a ring with Ilham’s name on it. I couldn’t believe I will wear it once I’m officially married him. Like the rest of my life.
After got home, at night, I called him and told what happened today in detail. I told him I have his name on my ring.
“A complete name?” he asked.
“No, just Ilham”,
“I’d prefer you write Lam to Ilham but that’s okay”,
Kutulis pesan ini saat senja telah turun di Jakarta dengan ditemani setangkup kenangan pahit dan secangkir kopi tanpa gula di kafe yang namanya mirip dengan nama kota ini di jaman Belanda.
Hatiku lebih getir dibanding cecap lidah yang mengisap gelapnya minuman yang beralaskan tatakan piring keramik putih.
anak-anak di depan kafe sedang berlari-kejaran penuh ceria hingga tangan mereka direntangkan bagai sayap.
mereka tahu takkan bisa terbang. namun seolah-olah saja, rasanya cukup bahagia.
aku tahu kau takkan membalas pertanyaanku yang lebih mirip pernyataan itu dengan jawaban “ya”.
namun membayangkan kau menyambut tanganku yang kudiamkan di atas meja saja,
sudah membuatku terbang
dari segala realitas yang ada disini.
dunia butuh lebih banyak sayap dan kebahagiaan.
Hi. It’s been a long time since the latest post.
Malam ini pikiran yang begitu penting untuk ditulis adalah sebagai berikut.
I miss Jakarta and all its little pieces.
Saya rindu macetnya yang selalu bikin merinding. Saya rindu berada di busway yang disesaki orang sampai bernapas pun susah. Saya rinduuu teman dan sahabat-sahabat yang dulu begitu akrab dan kini harus menanggung perihnya jarak.
Saya rindu hiruk pikuk kota itu, mahalnya harga ojek, kopaja, ratusan pengamen yang naik turun angkot, jembatan penyebrangan, halte dan harga karcis busway 3500 perak.
Saking rindunya saya bahkan masih berpikir bagaimana seandainya jika enam bulan yang lalu sejak saya memutuskan pulang, instead of that. Saya bersikukuh tetap tinggal dan sekali lagi berjuang.
Tapi setelah memikirkan itu dan melihat keadaanku sekarang, hatiku tenang. Dan saya yakin bahwa beginilah jalan yang sudah ditetapkan untukku. Beginilah. Rasa rindu inilah yang kemudian harus saya tanggung. Rasa rindu lengkap dengan pertanyaan teman-teman, “kapan ke Jakarta lagi?”
Suatu hari jika entah kapan kesana lagi dan menemukan kerinduanku sekarang menjadi nyata, saya akan tertawa.
Perasaan bahagia seperti melihat teman lama yang sudah lama tidak bertemu.
Setiap kali saya melihat foto teman-teman di Makassar yang bahagia dengan keluarga mereka, saya jadi penasaran. Atau mungkin lebih tepatnya berpikir ulang, sebenarnya apa yang saya lakukan disini? Bersusah-susah bekerja, jauh dari keluarga dan orangtua. Apa sebenarnya yang saya mau tau? what exactly my goal? Haaa, jadinya kan saya seperti robot kalau begini. Manusia tanpa tujuan itu disebut apa?
Saya masih bertahan karena ingin tahu apa sebenarnya rencana Tuhan.