Invitation

Our wedding invitation is coming from Jakarta. I keep reading at it, how it is still unbelievable for me that my name will be with Lam’s on it.

Riana & Ilham

How could it be? Life is just so surprising, so unpredictable.

I remember one time when Dini, Nita and I had this sleepover in Melia Hotel. I was watching something in Youtube when a question popped up in my head and I said it loud,

“Who would be my husband in the future?”

Dini heard it and said, “You are now in relationship and you still asked that?”

(I was still with Akbar back then)

And who would have thought that I am going to marry Ilham in a year and half after?

Who would have thought?

Ri

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Open and Close

I prefer a private wedding party with limited people. Only family, colleagues, and close friends will be there. I think about 200-250 people only. They will sit in a round table, eating, talking, laughing, and watching the reception with joyful heart.

I never intend to spread the invitation to any social media. I want to send it one by one. Even it’s through text message, post, email, private message, or I give it personally.

I am the close one. I want only some people, who really know about me, who care, will come.

However, Lam is different. He is the open one.

He would like to invite everybody, every family, every relatives, every friend, colleague, senior, junior, to the event. He thinks about 500 people or more, standing up, enjoying music, food and taking pictures.

He wants to go public, while I want to take private.

We know we are different, but as we write in our invitation:

“Despite of all our differences, we choose to be together”

Ri

Gentle

I haven’t told you about the trip we had taken to Bira, Bulukumba, days after our Engagement Day.

So, we asked Rainbow and her photographer boyfriend to shot our prewedding pictures in Bira. They were our college friends and Rainbow also is one of my close friend. It felt like a special roadtrip so I was so excited.

Never I imagined that I would be so grumpy along the way since she mentioned about all the trip she had with Lam in the past. It was like whenever Rainbow went, Lam would be there.

Lam, do you remember when we were in…? We did this, took this, did this, saw this… It was amazing, right?

And everytime, Lam would reply her with a warm answers. He sounded so cheerful, he made the loudest laugh, he looked so happy. He rarely talks like that to me. In that moment, he looked more free.

The conversation had been on like that for hours. Only her and Lam. Her boyfriend and I just kept listening.

I know Lam and Rainbow were bestfriend. I know that they have been to many places more than Lam and I have. But still, eventhough Rainbow was my best, and Lam was my fiancè,…

I know I shouldn’t feel or think like that. I know jealousy is a sign of insecurity. But I felt it, naturally. I meant like, if we watched sad movie you would naturally cry, right? I was not mad, I was just scared. Will me and Lam make more memories in the future?

When Lam and I finally could talk in person, I asked him about it.

Why is it the way you talk to me different when you talk to Rainbow?

What do you mean?

You look happier, more free, you don’t hold back. You say what you want to say and you talk loud.

Of course, because Rainbow is a friend. When I talk to you I speak gently. I put attention to what I say, word per word. I don’t want to hurt your feeling. I am worried I would hurt your feeling. Are you jealous?

No.

Okay.

Okay.

Months later, I know what he meant. Because that’s exactly what I sometimes do. If I want to talk to him, I planned my words first. Even the sequence. I even make a draft, and I read the draft when I talk to him (by phone, we are in long distance).

But it’s not because I am afraid of him and not feeling comfortable near him. No. I simply want to keep his heart away from upsetting. I don’t want to be the reason he hurts.

And I guess, that’s how we can tell when people are in love. They respect each other. They respect each other’s feeling.

Ri

Kata-Kata yang Betah di Ingatan

Diantara ratusan kata-kata yang kuucap dan kutulis untuknya, yang paling membekas dalam kepalanya adalah kata-kata itu.

Saya masih ingat dengan kabur saat saya mengucapkannya. Di malam dia mengantarku pulang ke rumah, saya membisikkan kalimat tersebut dari boncengan belakang motornya, sambil memeluknya, sebab udara malam begitu dingin.

Tak tahu apa yang merasuki pikiranku, apa yang berkecamuk dalam perasaanku saat itu. Hal yang kuingat hanyalah betapa saya tak bisa tidak mengatakan padanya. Dia harus tahu. Dia harus mendengarnya langsung, meskipun dia tak bisa menatap wajahku saat mengatakannya. Dia harus mendengarnya, agar dia bisa merasakan emosi di setiap nada suaraku.

“I can’t imagine to marry someone else but you”,

Saya tak tahu betapa berat kalimat itu membebani pikirannya di kemudian hari.

Dia tak tahu apa yang harus dia lakukan pada perempuan yang begitu menyayanginya. Dia belum punya apa-apa, dia belum menjadi siapa-siapa. Bagaimana jika dia malah menyakiti hati perempuan itu? Apa yang harus dia lakukan?

Dia menjauh, lalu pergi dan menghilang. Namun kata-kata itu tak pernah berlalu dari kepalanya. Kalimat itu dijadikannya pegangan yang membuatnya bekerja lebih keras. Dia memimpikan suatu hari akan menikahi perempuan yang mencintainya, berkeluarga dan hidup bahagia selama-lamanya.

Keyakinannya sungguh besar, dirawatnya dengan penuh kesabaran dan kerja keras. Setahun lewat, dua tahun, tiga hingga empat tahun, kini dia mampu berdiri di atas kakinya sendiri, bahkan mampu menopang hidup seorang lagi. Dia yakin kini waktunya telah tiba. Dia lalu mencari perempuan itu kembali.

Pada akhirnya, cerita ini kembali kutuliskan disini. Setelah nyaris enam tahun berpisah, saya tak menyangka ternyata saya masih mencintai dia begitu besar. Saya masih tidak percaya hal yang membuatnya masih mengingatku adalah satu kalimat yang saya sudah hampir lupa.

Tentu saja, saya tak bisa membayangkan menikah dengan orang lain selain menikah dengannya.

Ri

Marriage is

Let’s admit it. When you are in early 30, settled, and you are still single and alone, it probably means something is wrong with you.

People around you will rise one and only question: when will you get married?

As if getting married is as easy as changing songs on our iPod.

No.

I, myself, think that getting married is a big thing. There are many things we should consider before we decide to do it. It’s not a cheap thing. It’s not only about two people love each other living together. No. It’s not only about I love you and you love me so let’s do it. No.

It needs long term commitment. It takes a hundred years responsibility, patience, sincerity, hardworking and forever and ever compromise.

But it doesn’t mean that marriage is scary and horrifying. No. So many friends of mine finally found their meaning of life after they have family to take care of, husband and children to raise. Marriage is the peak of man and woman relationship. Once they reach the peak, there would be so much hurricane they have to survive. If they don’t, they will fall apart.

The key is sticking together.

P.S: I found this note in my folder, I can’t believe I wrote this. I can’t believe I sounded so expert in this thing while I’m not married, yet.

Ri

Kuat

Apa yang membuat suatu hubungan menjadi kuat melawan waktu? Menurutmu?
Apa yang membuat misalnya Papi dan Mami sanggup menjalani pernikahan puluhan tahun hingga sekarang.
Apakah karena cinta?
Apakah karena komitmen?
Atau apa karena hal-hal lainnya?

Lalu apakah karena suatu hubungan tidak memiliki hal-hal diatas, maka hubungan tersebut akan berakhir?

Ri