Kalau ada satu topik yang saya paling senangi tulis, pikir dan bahas itu adalah tentang hubungan lelaki dan perempuan.

Saya bahkan subscribe beberapa mailing list dari coach tentang misalnya, How to Get Your Ex Back, atau How If He Is Not Into You, Signs That He Loves You, hal-hal semacam itu. Saya selalu penasaran tentang laki-laki, apa yang dipikirkannya, apa yang mereka rasakan tentang perempuan yang mereka cinta dan tidak. 

Mungkin itu karena Akbar. Saya selalu mau tau isi kepalanya. Isi hatinya. Tentang saya. Tentang hubungan kami yang sudah berjalan selama dua tahun. 
Kadang jika ada rasa ragu, saya lalu mengingatkan diri sendiri bahwa dia tidak mungkin tidak serius ingin bersama-sama, sebab dia sudah memberanikan diri untuk datang ke rumah dan bicara soal komitmen pernikahan kami ke Mama. 

He loves me. 

And I love him.


The Weird Thing About Relationship

We always hope that it will last. But it doesn’t. The weird thing is, no matter how awful our last trial, we will always try to get the courage to begin again, to start over again, to have the trial and error with a completely different person once more. 

It is hurtful when we know that we are not worthed to fight for till the end. Yet, we still high our hope that maybe if it didn’t work with A, it might work with B. And then, the same pattern happens once again. Then we start to believe, maybe, we are too awful for everyone, we are not deserve to be loved. 

In fact, you are. 

So, it’s time now to make yourself in peace, Ri. Forgive him whoever has hurted you, taken you for granted, cheated on your trust. 

Because love is that weird. And there must be someone out there who will love you unconditionally, who wants to say “Agree” to all your Terms and Conditions, to love you hard with all his heart, and to marry you, and gives you nothing but love and happiness. 


Trial and Error

Malam ini topik pembicaraannya masih soal relationship. Diatas angkot yang melaju ke arah rumah, dia menatap wajahku yang jelas sedang memikirkan  sesuatu. 

👦 : mikir apa? soal trial and error lagi?

👧 : iya. 

👦 : kan sudah kujawab.

👧 : I don’t understand. 

👦 : gak ada yang rasional kalo ngomong soal perasaan. 

👧 : when they say “heart”, where the hell is that? I only know one, its function is pumping the blood. 

👦 : it’s right here. *tap his chest with his palm* 

👧 : how do they know it’s there?

👦 : because the pain is in here. not in any place. 

👧 : why do they call it heart, too? Why don’t they name it with another name? 

👦 shrugged 

👧 : so they have two hearts. 

👦 : yes. one to pump the blood, another to feel something. 

👧 : this is my stop. see you.