My Mom and aunties want to introduce me to some men, some potential men to marry with.
As if they don’t know that I’m having this relationship with K. As if I don’t have a boyfriend.
But what surprising me is I, too, didn’t say I don’t want to. Instead, I said, can I see his picture?
I might want to make my Mom happy. Letting her know that I’m opening my life to any man not only one. I know she wants me to be open.
I can’t imagine what if K knew about this. Would he be mad? Would he be disappointed?
I try to imagine what if K told me that his mother did the same.
What would I feel?
Sekarang lagi baca novel “Dear, Nathan” tulisannya Erisca Febriani. Bacanya dari tadi sore sampe sekarang udah halaman 333.
Pas Salma nanyain ke Nathan, “kenapa sih lo bisa suka sama gue?” saya langsung mau nulis ini.
That’s exactly the question I always ask to K.
Why do you want me?
Kenapa sih mau sama saya. Padahal di rumah sakit pasti banyaaaak sekali perempuan yang lebih oke. Perempuan yang masa depannya lebih terjamin, yang tajir, cantik, muslimah, pinter, trus dari keluarga yang berada. Instead of choosing them, why do you want me?
K -nama aslinya Akbar- sering jawab, “ya karena saya sukanya sama kamu, Ri. Gak ada perempuan yang saya kenal seperti kamu. Saya punya banyak teman cowok yang sering komplain kalau ceweknya begini, begitu, suka marah, suka posesif, gak pengertian. Saya sering mikir, kalau lagi dengar mereka cerita begitu, “Riana gak kayak gitu”. Saya appreciate banget Ri, kamu udah mau sabar, karena saya tau gak gampang jalin hubungan sama anak koas yang masih sekolah”,
“Dan saya gak mau sama perempuan lain. Saya mau bareng sama kamu. So, let’s stick together, ya”.
How sweet of him.
Maaf ya kalau postingannya topiknya cinta melulu. Soalnya mau posting yang sedih-sedih atau stressful things entar malah makin sedih. Biarlah kalau pas buka blog ini, saya bisa senyum. I also want to make our love story everlasting. Jadi harus rajin ditulis.
Anyway, he didn’t call or text me today.
Government plan to increase the cigarette price from an average Rp 15000 ($1.14) to Rp 50000 ($4.00). If this happens, many smokers will decide to quit.
Personally, it’s good. As long as I can remember, I don’t like cigarette, the smoke and the smokers. Smokers are idiotic. Why? Because they know the downside and how it has bad effect to our health but still, they smoke. It kills, but still, they don’t care.
Daddy used to smoke when I was a little girl. Mom made him stop. One of the first questions I asked to K when we were having our first date was “do you smoke?” and he answered, “No”. I was happy.
I totally agree if they increase the price of cigarettes. Well, if they are rich, it won’t make a big impact to their wallet. The people who might quit smoking is only the poor one.
One of the best feeling in the world is when you missed someone so much and you got a chance to hug and hold his hand.
K came to my house this evening. He brought me my favorite Mi Titi, a pack of Dancow milk and my favorite chocolate, Chic Choc Delfi.
He said hello, long time no see and all I did was hugging him. I missed him. We were like having a long distance relationship while in fact we live only 5 kilometres apart.
He was so busy in hospital.
And our meeting was only last in less than 5 minutes. We haven’t seen each other in 2 months and when we met, it took only 5 minutes.
He was rushed to be back to hospital.
When he wanted to be back, I hugged him and kissed his shoulder and he promised to see me again in 2 days. I didn’t want to put my expectation high because I knew he couldn’t sometimes keep his promise. Especially when it comes to set our meeting schedule.
He was so busy in hospital.
It won’t be long soon.
Till we meet again
I’ve been throuuugh this before but this time is ten times harder.
I try not to text him something stupid every night before I sleep, because I will always regret it in the next morning.
I am being fake.
I am being dishonest.
to my own self. to my own feeling.
save me now.
take the feeling out of me.
It’s easier if I just surrender, if I just give up. If I just forget all things I want to become, I want to achieve.
Because I’m tired of failures.
It’s easier if I stop trying, if I want to be nothing or to be with anyone.
Surrender sounds a better plan now.
I don’t feel like trying anymore.
It’s better if I don’t have something to look forward, too.