There’s a hole in my chest when you make me disappointed. You are the only person I think about no matter how distracted I am in office. You appear in a flash, in a blink, in my mind. You always come together with the pain until I ask you to get out.
I forget that whenever we love, pain follows.
Ini sudah pukul 2 dini hari. Seperti biasa, saya terbangun lagi seperti hari-hari sebelumnya selama seminggu belakangan.
Kemarin, 9 Oktober 2016. Saya benar-benar ingin menulis sebagai sesuatu yang akan saya ingat dan kenang nantinya.
Ponakan keduaku lahir.
It’s a boy again. Warni, kakakku, harus menyerahkan perutnya dibelah lagi di meja operasi. Alhamdulillah, both baby and mother are in a healthy condition.
He was born at 6:45am. dengan berat 2.6kg dan tinggi 46cm.
Setelah itu, saya pulang sama Bapak ke rumah dan malamnya, my boyfriend asked me to have dinner with his family.
It was my first experience so I was a little bit nervous. He was, too. I was worried if things wouldn’t happen as I planned or expected.
Tapi sungguh, orang tua dan adeknya sangat welcome. Saya banyak mengobrol dengan mamanya yang ternyata punya banyaak sekali hal untuk diceritakan.
“Mamaku itu Ri, biasanya diam kalau ketemu sama orang baru. Nah, ini kenapa kalian ngobrol banyak?” katanya.
Pertama kali saya melihat dan salim ke orang tuanya, saya tahu kalau bisa nyaman duduk semobil dengan mereka. Perasaan nyaman yang sama yang saya rasakan setiap kali bersama Akbar.
It was rained the entire evening. Akbar took me home at 10pm.
I was happy and thankful.
As a good partner, I should understand and be patient when he’s busy in hospital. I mean really busy he can’t even call or reply even one text/ chat. I should understand when his girl friend comes to town and he asked permission to spend days with her. Like he did last weekend.
I lost my weigh these last six months due to my depression. Nobody knows about the reason. Everytime Mom or Akbar or my friends ask, I only say: I don’t have appetite to eat. Mom say I have lost half of my body.
Akbar is concern,too. He puts attention to my weigh now. Everytime he calls, he reminds me to eat much. Last night we met he said he has the special programme.
“I want to gain your weigh! I will treat you eating delicious food so you will be fat again!”
I laughed. I okayed him.
How sweet of him really.
His family is coming next week and he asked me to meet them.
I got an offer to work out of town, to be an editor in a national media. It excited me, really. However, unfortunately I said no.
I can’t leave Makassar again. I don’t want to.
Years ago, I wanted to go out from this city so much. Every place somehow reminded me of the memories I want to forget.
But then I came back and I met Akbar and I turned to love this city so much. My family is here either. My Mom also forbids me to leave home before I get marry.
I start to make beautiful memories here and make it as homey as I could.
Ah, anyway, I am going to teach again on Monday! It’s a small office in Haji Bau Street, near Wisma Kalla. Different challenge, different place.
Allah knows best.
One of the best feeling in the world is when you missed someone so much and you got a chance to hug and hold his hand.
K came to my house this evening. He brought me my favorite Mi Titi, a pack of Dancow milk and my favorite chocolate, Chic Choc Delfi.
He said hello, long time no see and all I did was hugging him. I missed him. We were like having a long distance relationship while in fact we live only 5 kilometres apart.
He was so busy in hospital.
And our meeting was only last in less than 5 minutes. We haven’t seen each other in 2 months and when we met, it took only 5 minutes.
He was rushed to be back to hospital.
When he wanted to be back, I hugged him and kissed his shoulder and he promised to see me again in 2 days. I didn’t want to put my expectation high because I knew he couldn’t sometimes keep his promise. Especially when it comes to set our meeting schedule.
He was so busy in hospital.
It won’t be long soon.
Till we meet again
I’ve been throuuugh this before but this time is ten times harder.
I try not to text him something stupid every night before I sleep, because I will always regret it in the next morning.
I am being fake.
I am being dishonest.
to my own self. to my own feeling.
save me now.
take the feeling out of me.