Invitation

Our wedding invitation is coming from Jakarta. I keep reading at it, how it is still unbelievable for me that my name will be with Lam’s on it.

Riana & Ilham

How could it be? Life is just so surprising, so unpredictable.

I remember one time when Dini, Nita and I had this sleepover in Melia Hotel. I was watching something in Youtube when a question popped up in my head and I said it loud,

“Who would be my husband in the future?”

Dini heard it and said, “You are now in relationship and you still asked that?”

(I was still with Akbar back then)

And who would have thought that I am going to marry Ilham in a year and half after?

Who would have thought?

Ri

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Open and Close

I prefer a private wedding party with limited people. Only family, colleagues, and close friends will be there. I think about 200-250 people only. They will sit in a round table, eating, talking, laughing, and watching the reception with joyful heart.

I never intend to spread the invitation to any social media. I want to send it one by one. Even it’s through text message, post, email, private message, or I give it personally.

I am the close one. I want only some people, who really know about me, who care, will come.

However, Lam is different. He is the open one.

He would like to invite everybody, every family, every relatives, every friend, colleague, senior, junior, to the event. He thinks about 500 people or more, standing up, enjoying music, food and taking pictures.

He wants to go public, while I want to take private.

We know we are different, but as we write in our invitation:

“Despite of all our differences, we choose to be together”

Ri

Gentle

I haven’t told you about the trip we had taken to Bira, Bulukumba, days after our Engagement Day.

So, we asked Rainbow and her photographer boyfriend to shot our prewedding pictures in Bira. They were our college friends and Rainbow also is one of my close friend. It felt like a special roadtrip so I was so excited.

Never I imagined that I would be so grumpy along the way since she mentioned about all the trip she had with Lam in the past. It was like whenever Rainbow went, Lam would be there.

Lam, do you remember when we were in…? We did this, took this, did this, saw this… It was amazing, right?

And everytime, Lam would reply her with a warm answers. He sounded so cheerful, he made the loudest laugh, he looked so happy. He rarely talks like that to me. In that moment, he looked more free.

The conversation had been on like that for hours. Only her and Lam. Her boyfriend and I just kept listening.

I know Lam and Rainbow were bestfriend. I know that they have been to many places more than Lam and I have. But still, eventhough Rainbow was my best, and Lam was my fiancè,…

I know I shouldn’t feel or think like that. I know jealousy is a sign of insecurity. But I felt it, naturally. I meant like, if we watched sad movie you would naturally cry, right? I was not mad, I was just scared. Will me and Lam make more memories in the future?

When Lam and I finally could talk in person, I asked him about it.

Why is it the way you talk to me different when you talk to Rainbow?

What do you mean?

You look happier, more free, you don’t hold back. You say what you want to say and you talk loud.

Of course, because Rainbow is a friend. When I talk to you I speak gently. I put attention to what I say, word per word. I don’t want to hurt your feeling. I am worried I would hurt your feeling. Are you jealous?

No.

Okay.

Okay.

Months later, I know what he meant. Because that’s exactly what I sometimes do. If I want to talk to him, I planned my words first. Even the sequence. I even make a draft, and I read the draft when I talk to him (by phone, we are in long distance).

But it’s not because I am afraid of him and not feeling comfortable near him. No. I simply want to keep his heart away from upsetting. I don’t want to be the reason he hurts.

And I guess, that’s how we can tell when people are in love. They respect each other. They respect each other’s feeling.

Ri

Lam

That day, I went to Somba Opu Street with Lam’s family. We wanted to buy some jewelries for me, as my Mahr (dower). He wasn’t with us because he worked in Jakarta. But he kept us company by standing by in phone, just in case I needed him.
Me and his Mom (Bunda) got a wedding ring. It’s a simple ring, plain, made of gold, without anything on it. I liked it instantly. So I said “this is it, this is what I want”. The shopkeeper asked me whether I want to engrave my husband’s name at the backside of the ring or not.

“That would be lovely, thanks”, I said.

The shopkeeper asked me to write it down. So I wrote “Ilham”. Less than a minute, I got a ring with Ilham’s name on it. I couldn’t believe I will wear it once I’m officially married him. Like the rest of my life.

After got home, at night, I called him and told what happened today in detail. I told him I have his name on my ring.

“A complete name?” he asked.
“No, just Ilham”,
“Hmmm..”
“Why?”
“I’d prefer you write Lam to Ilham but that’s okay”,

Ri

Kata-Kata yang Betah di Ingatan

Diantara ratusan kata-kata yang kuucap dan kutulis untuknya, yang paling membekas dalam kepalanya adalah kata-kata itu.

Saya masih ingat dengan kabur saat saya mengucapkannya. Di malam dia mengantarku pulang ke rumah, saya membisikkan kalimat tersebut dari boncengan belakang motornya, sambil memeluknya, sebab udara malam begitu dingin.

Tak tahu apa yang merasuki pikiranku, apa yang berkecamuk dalam perasaanku saat itu. Hal yang kuingat hanyalah betapa saya tak bisa tidak mengatakan padanya. Dia harus tahu. Dia harus mendengarnya langsung, meskipun dia tak bisa menatap wajahku saat mengatakannya. Dia harus mendengarnya, agar dia bisa merasakan emosi di setiap nada suaraku.

“I can’t imagine to marry someone else but you”,

Saya tak tahu betapa berat kalimat itu membebani pikirannya di kemudian hari.

Dia tak tahu apa yang harus dia lakukan pada perempuan yang begitu menyayanginya. Dia belum punya apa-apa, dia belum menjadi siapa-siapa. Bagaimana jika dia malah menyakiti hati perempuan itu? Apa yang harus dia lakukan?

Dia menjauh, lalu pergi dan menghilang. Namun kata-kata itu tak pernah berlalu dari kepalanya. Kalimat itu dijadikannya pegangan yang membuatnya bekerja lebih keras. Dia memimpikan suatu hari akan menikahi perempuan yang mencintainya, berkeluarga dan hidup bahagia selama-lamanya.

Keyakinannya sungguh besar, dirawatnya dengan penuh kesabaran dan kerja keras. Setahun lewat, dua tahun, tiga hingga empat tahun, kini dia mampu berdiri di atas kakinya sendiri, bahkan mampu menopang hidup seorang lagi. Dia yakin kini waktunya telah tiba. Dia lalu mencari perempuan itu kembali.

Pada akhirnya, cerita ini kembali kutuliskan disini. Setelah nyaris enam tahun berpisah, saya tak menyangka ternyata saya masih mencintai dia begitu besar. Saya masih tidak percaya hal yang membuatnya masih mengingatku adalah satu kalimat yang saya sudah hampir lupa.

Tentu saja, saya tak bisa membayangkan menikah dengan orang lain selain menikah dengannya.

Ri

Move Out of Your Comfort Zone

Banyak hal besar yang mungkin tak akan terjadi jika kita hanya menetap di satu tempat dan tidak mencoba untuk keluar dari zona nyaman.

Rasulullah SAW berhijrah ke Madinah setelah banyak umat Muslim diserang dan disiksa di Mekkah. Hijrahnya Rasulullah Muhammad SAW menandai awal mula tahun Hijriah. Apa yang terjadi setelah beliau di Medinah? Beliau mendapat lebih banyak pengikut, lebih banyak Muslim dan jika beliau tidak pergi dari Mekkah, beliau takkan bisa memimpin pasukan untuk menyerang kota itu dan menghancurkan berhala-berhala di sekitar Ka’bah.

Suatu malam Ilham bercerita kalau dia tidak keluar dari NET. dia mungkin belum akan berani melamarku. Dia tidak yakin bisa memiliki waktu luang untuk sekedar meneleponku seperti yang dilakukannya setiap malam sebelum kami tidur. Dia keluar dari pekerjaan yang digelutinya selama lima tahun di Jakarta ke perusahaan e-commerce yang jam kerjanya lebih ramah dibanding jika dia bekerja di televisi.

Pekan lalu, saya menghadiri acara pertunangan salah satu teman kuliah di rumahnya disini. Dia akan menikah dengan laki-laki yang ditemuinya melalui Tinder, salah satu aplikasi pencari jodoh, di Jakarta. Saat menuju pulang ke rumah, saya melintasi tempat kerja teman saya itu saat dia masih bekerja di Makassar, sebelum dia akhirnya pindah kerja di Jakarta. Saya merenung sesaat dan mendapati kesimpulan bahwa dia mungkin takkan menikah dan bertemu dengan calon suaminya jika dia tidak pindah ke Jakarta.

Begitu pentingnya pindah ke satu tempat, betapa signifikan dampaknya dalam hidup seseorang. Mungkin memang itu sudah digariskan, dituliskan sejak awal di Lauhul Mahfuz. Namun saya juga yakin bahwa takdir mengikuti usaha. Kita tak bisa mendapatkan sesuatu jika tidak mengusahakannya. Berpindah ke tempat lain di luar zona nyaman butuh dilakukan untuk mengembangkan diri kita, agar kita tahu bahwa ternyata banyak sekali hal-hal yang awalnya kita pikir tak bisa kita lakukan, tapi ternyata kita bisa. Chank bilang hal yang membatasi kita hanyalah kata “tetapi”. Dan lihatlah apa yang terjadi?

Menikah adalah hijrahku yang lainnya.

Semoga segala hal yang mengikuti di belakangnya adalah hal-hal baik yang mengantarkanku dan suamiku kelak ke tempat yang lebih baik pula.
Aamin.

RI