We broke up on Thursday night. I called him when he was busy with Bangladesh people discussing things about I don’t know. He complained about it. He said like, “I was talking with people and I had to pick up my phone because you keep calling me”
I was offended. That day was the sixth day he didn’t call. When I asked was everything okay, he said no. So I called. I wondered what was wrong.
So his parents had this plan to arrange his marriage with someone else. He said that his parents want him to be with a girl who is also a doctor. Since I am not one, his parents asked him not to be with me anymore.
And he couldn’t say no. He didn’t even want to fight for me, or find a way so we can be together. He didn’t even say he loved me. That night, he just said, “I don’t know what to say”.
I said I couldn’t break up. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I loved him, I wanted to be with him. But he didn’t even say a word. In that moment I knew, we were going to split.
I finally said, “Let’s break up” and he agreed.
I’ve deleted all pictures of us. I wanted to erase all memories about me and him. I blocked him on LINE, I unfollowed him on Instagram, I deleted his contact number. Just like in the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”. I threw away all his belonging in my bedroom (which is thankfully, not many).
And then I called my friends. I told them about what I was going through. They supported me. They listened. They even cursed him as he acted as a total jerk. They said I deserve someone who is better. Someone who is kind and good and not selfish, someone who will love me with everything he has. I feel so much better after talking. I pray to God, hoping that this was the best step I could take.
Now, I am sitting here writing this on my blog because this is one of the place who witnessed my love life with Akbar. Since the first time we’ve been together. How I fell in love, how he once loved me and treated me nicely. I want to keep him here. So later in the near future, when I am eventually with somebody else, I could read this again and reminisce everything, and finally can laugh loud. Just like what I feel every time I read postings about Ilham.
There are 5 stages we have to deal with after breaking up, some psychologists say: they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Now I’m having the first one. I still couldn’t believe now I can’t contact or talk or chat him anymore. I just can’t believe that someone I cared so much with all my heart in the past 2 years, had left me. It damages my heart. There’s a big hole in my chest but it’s not real. I can’t take any pills to recover. I can’t do anything but move on.
But I know I’ll heal. Time will heal any pain. I am sure there must be someone out there who will find me and love me with all his heart.
Enough of this. I will continue to live.