Menjadi Tsukuru

Saya sedang membaca buku Murakami yang terbaru berjudul “Colorless Tsukuri Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage”. Di buku itu diceritakan tentang laki-laki bernama Tsukuru, yang ditinggalkan empat sahabatnya saat dia kuliah di Tokyo dan sahabatnya tetap tinggal di Nagano. Dia ditinggalkan tanpa alasan. Akhirnya Tsukuru hidup sendiri, membiarkan dirinya tidak bahagia selama bertahun-tahun di perantauan. Ia juga tidak mengangankan rumah sebagai tempat damai untuk pulang.

Murakami menulis kesakitan ditinggal sahabat seperti sesuatu yang benar-benar nyata.

Belakangan ini saya merasa sahabat lama saya menjauh. Saya tak tahu alasannya. Dan saya tak pernah mau bertanya kenapa. Saya pun sudah tidak minat mengomentari grup angkatan semasa kuliah. Saya diam-diam mengangankan dan membayangkan menjadi Tsukuru.

Dan menjalani keseharian dengan orang-orang di kantor saja. Bepergian dengan yang ingin mengajak saja. Menjalani hari di rumah dan kantor saja.

Tapi apakah itu yang kuinginkan? Ditinggal-lupakan?

Atau seperti kata Jodha, “kau ingin pergi karena berharap Raja akan mengejarmu kan?”

RI

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Surprises

Rahma said on the telephone that day,
“I am not afraid with the future. I want to let God surprises me”,

And I was like,
“Damn, she is right”

I was afraid of my future (well, who’s not?). I was afraid about my career, about my love story, even about the death.

But God. The Almighty, always surprised me. Somehow, I don’t like or I don’t understand the Plan. Sometimes I get angry if something happens unplannned or something happens outside my coverage.

“Dear God, what do you plan on me? Why me? Why did this happen? Why now?”

Those questions I always ask, always remained unanswered.

But then, day by day, I accept it with my sincere feeling. And I understand all the things.

And when I accept it, I am happy again. I relieved.

So I want to be surprised. I want to accept all the things God planned for me.

I hope I won’t be afraid about the future anymore. Because Allah is the Most Gracious. And nothing I need to worry about when I give all of my life in God’s hand.

RI

What’s Wrong

I am not good at giving a good title for my each posting.

Yesterday, I went to the office by a rented-motorcycle (known as “ojek” here in Indonesia). At first I wasn’t sure about the looks of the man who rode it. He smoked. He has a black long curly hair. He smelled bad. He even sounded awful when he asked where I wanted to go.

But you know?

Everything about his bad impression has gone when he told me about his plan to have his son learning english in my place.

“How much money I have to pay if I want to register my son learning english in your place?” He asked.

“It’s around 1,3 million for each level”, I replied.

What surprised me is I was aware about his salary he gets from “ngojek” every day. But still, he wants to get his son learning english. What a father! What a parents!

RI

Knowledge is Burden

If you think you carry no weight on your shoulder, you are wrong. Every human being who knows something is responsible to transfer the knowledge to people who doesn’t.

It doesn’t mean to be boastful or conceited. It simply to make the world be a better place to live.

That’s one thing I get from my job as a teacher (even sometimes it is called as a ‘language instructor’).

Because what’s the point knowing so many things if it’s only for your own sake? Why not share them with other people who needs ’em?

I am in my comfort zone now. And I need to get out of it (I have said it so many times, haven’t I?)

RI

The Most Beautiful Girl is You

I never expect myself as a beautiful girl yet I want that, too. I am surrounded by a lot of sexier an prettier girl friends. They are just everywhere I turn my head to. They are everywhere, everytime I open my instagram or path timeline. That makes me a little envy and makes my confidence boost down.

But my Mom just told me that I was the most beautiful girl in the wedding reception last night.

“You are the prettiest. no doubt about it”, Mom said.

Mom even said that I am more beautiful than Lulu, my prettiest sister (for me she is the prettiest among us)

I know beauty doesn’t matter when you have a remarkable attitude. I very understand that it doesn’t measure something about being a good person. Eka Kurniawan said “Cantik itu Luka” (Beauty is a Wound) since women usually got hurt for the beauty- sake. I mean the cosmetics, skin treatments, diet pills even surgery. Those hurts them. But like a men needs love, women needs them when it’s torture them.

I never expect myself as a beautiful girl. Everytime I look into the mirror, I am always thankful to God for pairing my Mom and my Dad as a husband and wife. 😘

RI

here’s a picture last night

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