Getting Older Getting Wiser

Hello world,

I’m here and today I’m getting older. I’m 34 years old. and flash news is we are expecting another baby!

Alhamdulillah, life has been so well lately. But it’s not rainbow before we had through bad weather with stormy and dark skies. Last year, Covid attacked us very hard and I had to lose my second pregnancy (I had a miscarriage in 10th weeks). But 6 months after, we try to recover from wounds and pain and now thank God, we are still alive.

My husband gave me a birthday cake with quotes “Barakallah fii umrik, be a wise mom”. I don’t know what was the meaning, was that he’s hoping that I’m going to be a wise mother? or was he telling me that I’m a wise mother? He didn’t say. Eshan and I blew the candles and we tasted the cake together. Amel, my sister, is here in my house, she documented everything.

I don’t think husband bought me something as a present for my birthday this year. He seldom feels the need to buy me anything as a present. Sometimes I feel he doesn’t care for me because he lets me buy everything I want with my own money. He never bothers to ask “Do you want that bag? or “Do you want to buy me that dress or shoes?” and even when I have told him, “please buy me this or that, he doesn’t do it. I don’t know why. Is he going to be like this for the whole marriage until we’re old or is he going to change his mind someday? I don’t know.

That’s enough for today. I need to go home now from office. It takes 1.5-2 hours for me to arrive home. So, that’s all. Thanks for reading.

Love,

Riana

Observation Room

Jakarta, 19 Maret 2020

Dokter Juni melepas sarung tangan dan berkata pada suamiku dengan nada yang nyaris datar, “operasi besok ya Pak”.

Saya tau Lam panik dan bingung. Kami berdua tidak ada pikiran sama sekali tidak ada persiapan sama sekali mendengar kalimat itu dari dokter obgyn.

“Bayinya bukan cuma sungsang tapi ketubannya juga sudah sedikit. Kita tes detak jantung bayi dulu ya, kalau bagus operasinya bisa besok”, dokter melanjutkan.

Dan disinilah saya, Ruang Observasi. Lam pulang mengambil barang-barang kebutuhan bayi dan kebutuhanku. Mama Bapak dan mertua di Makassar sudah dikabari dan mereka insya Allah akan tiba nanti malam.

Sample darahku diambil, saya diinfus dan tadi juga sudah dites jantung.

Besok insya Allah. 20 Maret 2020.

Tadi sebelum Lam pergi, kami berpelukan dan saya menciumnya sambil minta maaf. Dia menangis terharu. Ini anak pertama kami.

Tiada daya dan upaya selain dari Allah SWT.

Bismillah.

Ri

Covid-19

Nak,

Mama mengandungmu disaat outbreak virus Covid-19 merebak di seluruh dunia.

Di Jakarta, tempat kita tinggal bersama Papa di sebuah rumah kontrakan kecil di selatan, juga ikut resah.

Hari ini, siswa-siswi di sekolah tempat Mama bekerja, mulai diliburkan hingga 2 pekan ke depan. Namun Mama tetap masuk setengah hari. Sedangkan Papa, harus tetap masuk seperti biasa.

Sekolah-sekolah diminta agar siswanya belajar dari rumah (learn from home). Beberapa perusahaan juga meminta karyawannya bekerja dari rumah. Pemerintah mengeluarkan kebijakan agar semua kegiatan yang mengumpulkan banyak orang agar ditunda atau dibatalkan; seperti konser musik, bazaar hingga pertandingan olahraga. Transportasi umum dibatasi. Harga masker dan hand sanitizer melambung. Masyarakat panik dan mulai menyetok bahan makanan.

Apakah Mama dan Papa khawatir? Tentu. Tapi kami tidak panik. Kami hanya bisa melakukan anjuran-anjuran menjaga kebersihan dan merawat agar tubuh tetap sehat. Akhir pekan kami di rumah saja, dan weekdays kami hanya berputar rumah-kantor. Jalanan mulai sepi.

Mama khawatir karena kamu masih di dalam perut Mama, Nak. Apa yang terjadi denganku, akan mempengaruhimu. Mama senantiasa berdoa pada Tuhan agar dilindungi, agar kau dilindungi, agar Papa dilindungi. Karena tiada daya dan upaya melainkan dari Allah saja.

Apa yang akan terjadi esok dengan virus ini, kapan ia akan berhenti, tidak ada yang tahu selain Tuhan.

Sayang, ini sudah 35 weeks kita. Sebentar lagi, insya Allah.

Ri

Rencana Tuhan

Belakangan, di dua bulan pernikahan kami, saya sering flashback ke masa lalu. Saya merenungi dan berusaha menghubung-hubungkan satu peristiwa dengan peristiwa lainnya. Biasanya renunganku akan berujung pada bagaimana saya dan suami akhirnya bersama-sama. Dan betapa jalan tersebut adalah salah satu hal yang paling saya syukuri.

Tentu saja itu bukan kebetulan. Jodoh ada di tangan Tuhan. Betapa jauhnya garam dan asam berasal, akhirnya mereka toh bertemu juga di panci dapur kita. Betapa besarnya usaha kita untuk bersama seseorang, jika mereka bukan jodohmu, pasti ada saja jalan agar kalian tidak bersama, begitu pula sebaliknya.

Suamiku, Lam, adalah orang yang baik. Saya sering sekali terharu dengan perhatian kecil dan kasih sayangnya. Saya tahu dia mencintai saya segenap jiwa. Saya tahu saya mencintainya segenap raga. Saya merasa Tuhan mencintai saya sebab Dia menakdirkan saya menjadi istri Lam.

Keputusan kami menikah bukan perkara mudah dan cepat. Kami terpisah jarak dan enam tahun itu bukan waktu yang kau habiskan begitu saja tanpa ada orang lain singgah di hidupmu, bukan?

Tapi Lam yakin, meskipun segalanya, suatu saat, saya akan bersama dia.

Saya senang sekali menatap lekat wajah Lam saat dia tidur di sampingku. Bernapas, mendengkur atau kadang mengigau. Kadang dia gelisah, kupeluk dia sampai tenang. Kusapu rambutnya. Kucium pipinya. Kupastikan agar dia nyaman. Hingga dia tertidur.

Betapa dia adalah suami yang bertanggung jawab dan pengertian adalah anugerah yang sangat kusyukuri. Dia mengutamakan kebahagiaanku, kecukupanku, kebutuhanku. Memang belum bisa dia berikan semua yang kuinginkan, tapi dia selalu berhasil menenangkan hatiku dan hal-hal yang kurang darinya, menguap begitu saja.

Kadang saya merenung kejadian di masa lampau. Mengapa begini, mengapa begitu, mengapa yang ini harus terjadi dulu. Saya belum paham alasannya, jawabannya. Tapi apapun itu, saya percaya, saya yakin. Bahwa apapun itu, adalah rencana Tuhan.

Dan rencana Tuhan adalah yang paling baik.

Ri

Berumah Tangga

First of all, happy new year 2019! Can you believe it’s already January 2019? Time runs really fast, doesn’t it?

Okay,
It’s been 2 weeks since I have arrived here in Jakarta. My Mom and Dad accompanied me coming here to see my rented house that I’m going to live in with my husband, Lam. They came back last Sunday to Makassar. I was a bit worried and terrified at first, knowing the fact that I wasn’t going to be in one roof with them anymore.

However, Lam has been a really wonderful husband that anyone has ever asked for. He is so understanding, so kind, so helpful, so loving and he talks gently at me. He works as hard as horse every morning till evening. And when he comes home, after we have dinner together, he plays Mobile Legend for hours. I can’t complain. I don’t want to, either.

How about me?
I’m trying to survive. I cook, I take care Lam’s clothes, I prepare him meals, I clean our house, I do the dishes, I eat, I watch movies, I write, I read, and I look for a job. In Jakarta, everybody is looking for a living. I can’t annoy Lam when he’s at work. Sometimes I am bored as hell, sometimes I cry for homesick. But what can I say? That’s the life I am living now. I have to make my own new comfort zone. I have to be here supporting my husband. I have to be useful at least for him because that’s what a wife should do, beside her husband. Nowhere else.

Ri

Two Days To Go

Two days to go insya Allah, and I’m leaving for Jakarta to see my husband, finally!

Rasanya semakin dekat semakin berat. Rindu semakin tidak terkendali. Barusan saya mengirim pesan kepadanya,

“I don’t want to be apart with you for a long period like this anymore, ever again.” and he simply replied, “Okay.”

I can’t do long distance relationship. I might be too weak to survive. I always want to be close with the one I love.

I miss him. I miss him more now, because I stay in his family house in Antang. I have been here for three days. Tomorrow I’ll be back home in Telkomas, packing everything in suitcases and flying to him on Monday afternoon.

Dear Allah,

please make it easier for us, because nothing is easy unless You make it that way.

Thank you

Ri

Leaving School

Today was my last day in BCI School. I got a sweet little surprise farewell from my colleagues. They got in to Toddler class, where I had been waiting, and they sang “Kemesraan”. They gave me presents: a handbag and two photos framed. I was so happy I cried.

Actually it’s so hard for me to leave school. It’s been my comfort zone for the past two years. I go to school at 6.30 in the morning, got home at 4.00 in the afternoon. I teach many classes, I meet my students, talk to the parents, make worksheets, do the administration things, attend the weekly meeting, and the rest is having fun- school has many holidays every year. The salary is pretty good, I can help my family to pay this and that every month. I can eat well, I can buy dresses I want, I can watch movies in cinema, I can hang out with my friends and everything. It’s just so hard for me to leave the habit, the things I do everyday, the things I like.

However, I must leave. I must move from here and live with my husband in Jakarta. I must start my married life together with him. Being with him outweighs any perks of living my single life, outweigh any joyful feeling I get from the “comfort zone”.

I am sure that there will be many big things that might not happen if we only stay in our place and never move out of the comfort zone.

and I hope everything that follows after is good things that could bring me and my husband near to the good places, too, someday.

So, see you again, BCI.

Ri

The Birthday Boy

Dear my nearly-future husband,

This is the day, 31 years ago, you began existing. This is the day when God disposed everything about you; your destiny, your fate, people you’ll meet and the woman you’re going to marry. I know you don’t care about your birthday but I do care. I care because this is an important day. I care because without it, I might not be where I am now and without it, we might not be together like we are now.

I love you for so many reasons. I love you because you believe in me. I love you because you make me laugh with silly jokes. I love you because you are a passionate, hardworking and kindhearted person. I love you because you tell me I’m pretty with zero makeup. I love you because you can handle all my complains, my madness, my pms and my childish drama. I love you because you buy me my favorite books. I love you because you call and videocall me between your break time at work. I love you because we’re so different, we have almost nothing in common, yet you still want to spend your lifetime with me.

I love you more than the books I have in my shelf and my cute dresses I have in my wardrobe put altogether. I love you more than the guy who invented Indomie flavour. I love you more than the love of Jack to Rose. Thankyou for allowing me to be your partner in crime, in life and to be your plus 1 in every events you’ll attend in the future.

Happy birthday, Lam.

I’m so thankful that you were born. Our great adventure shortly begins and I can’t wait to see what our future holds.

Forever and always,

Love,

Ri

I wrote this letter in his 31st birthday last month, on 29th October 2018, when we were still engaged. I wrote it and read it to him by phone call. I couldn’t give him any sweet surprise or gifts or anything. I didn’t bake him a cake. I wish I could give him more than this in his next birthdays.

Marriage Life Episode Two

How hard could it be having a long distance marriage?

I thought it was easy but it isn’t. Everyday, when I wake up in the morning, I think about my husband who is supposed to wake up next to me. I missed the mornings we spent before he went back to Jakarta, we kissed and hugged and said “good morning, sayang” into each other’s ears.

Now we must hold ourselves back.

I am counting down to the day I finally can move to Jakarta, following him. Home now is where my husband is and I have to wait for 4 weeks to go to be able to go home.

Lam is such an amazing and loving husband. I’m so thankful having him as my life partner. I know he’s not perfect but he’s trying to be one.

He has found a rented house for us to live in Jakarta. At the moment, he’s moving in and starting to clean up every corner of the room. He has told me his plans how to manage the house so we can live there comfortably. He always says, “Be patient, we will try to furnish the house one by one. I can’t do it at once”,

I hope everything is going well for us. Bless us God.

Ri

Marriage Life Episode One

Been a while not to post anything in this journal entry.
Right now, I’m sitting here on the ceramic floor in my husband’s bedroom at his house. We just arrived this afternoon after visiting many places around town to take care about unfinished wedding business; bridal, wedding gown and flowers, paying this and that. Tomorrow he’s going to fly back to Jakarta leaving me here until December; I’m moving, too!

It’s been 5 days since last Friday, since our “akad nikah”, the day when we officially are husband and wife. Big changes happened. I still have to get use to be a wife. Learn how to be a good one. Learn how to satisfy my husband, learn how to prepare his necessity, learn how to make him happy, learn how to be more patient, learn how to act a real wife.

My husband is super nice to me. He is loving, caring, silly, handsome, and super kind. He doesn’t know everything but he accepts input and opinion if it makes sense. He is reliable and I don’t even know what his flaws so far. Perhaps, we will have arguments someday. Perhaps, he will be furious because of something. Perhaps, he will make me cry. However, I hope nothing would be too hard to compromise and we will always have each other’s back.

Actually, there’s a looot of things I want to write about mymarriagelife here but right now, he needs his Macbook back to work on some video editing. So, see you soon!

Ri
Currently, I’m living my happy life with my husband.