What happen after we have passed away?
We will be forgotton. We’re gone forever. Our loved ones might erase all the memories about us. Losing us would hurt, but as time goes by, the feeling will fade.
We will be there under the ground alone. Maybe there will be another life, but not like this.
Are you afraid?
Yes, I am.
Are you ready?
No, I am not.
I feel like I am the most sinned creature ever lived. My body is full of mistakes and wrongs. Nobody’s like me. I don’t deserve any kind of heaven. But I also can’t take hell as my last home.
I am afraid of death. Tapi saya lebih takut jika misalnya Bapak atau Mama pergi duluan. It scares the hell out of me. Imagining them gone forever is something I can’t bear.
Apa yang terjadi setelah kita mati?
A man will never be satisfied with their life.
Dan itu merepotkan sebab ada konsekuensi yang tidak terhindarkan, bahwa mereka, orang-orang yang tidak puas itu, selalu harus berusaha lebih keras dari orang kebanyakan.
Mereka punya banyak keinginan yang tidak masuk akal. Mereka gak bisa stay still di satu tempat dan merasa bebas. Selalu ada pikiran buat get something bigger, do something more.
This morning I just want to be an ordinary one. I wish I could. So I needn’t make my life more complicated. Please Ri, why can’t you stay in your zone now and wait for something new to be happened?
You are on your own now, Ri.
Brace yourself, girl.
Be brave, be strong.
Apa yang kalian lihat saat becermin?
Berhadapan dengan cermin, saya sering sekali menyemangati diri sendiri. “You can do it, Ri. You absolutely can do it. Don’t give up”. I always motivate myself. Karena saya sering sekali merasa putus asa, maka saya harus membekali diri dengan asupan motivasi lebih banyak.
Anyway, I watched Robocop this evening with the one and only Kak Aan. We talked a lot in taxi that took me home. It’s been a long time since the last time I had such a deep convo with someone, talked about everything I want. Kak Aan is smart. Though we sometimes have different perspective about something. He is a kind of person who always could follow wherever I drive the convo into without saying “why you asking that?”.
I am the person who always asking that kind of question.
Now you know what kind of girl I am, do you?
It’ll be really nice if I spend every weekend meeting someone and just talk randomly. Friends that can answer all my questions. Even the most childish question like ‘why the sky is blue?’ to the most difficult question like ‘how do you know that writing is your passion?’.
Without asking. Without laugh at me. Without being ‘are you sure that you’re asking that? Or you just testing me?’. Without judging.
I love my life. Alhamdulillah. Segala puji hanya pada Allah.
NB : Path masih belum bagus.