Run!

This morning I successfully woke up before 6 am and start to run!

I forget how does it feel like to run. I am not into sport. I don’t like running without reason. But the idea to live a healthy life wakes me up. I have to get in shape! What’s the point when you are rich, talented and beautiful if you are sick easily?

So I ran. I didn’t know that run could be that hard. My lungs screamed for air, my feet became so heavy I almost couldn’t make them move. But I kept running and it was so good.

I wish I could do it maybe more, continually.

RI

Tears

Mom cried while she was hugging me in car tonight. I don’t know what happen with her. It is unusual thing. When Lulu asked about her blurry redish eyes, she said she was upset not having a son.

But I don’t trust what she said.

There must be something went wrong.

RI

First Time Teaching Without Voice

Hello!
Today was awful. I woke up at 10.15 am. I arrived at 12 am in Lagaligo to have a meeting with Miss Fa. In fact, our appointment was at 11.

So she asked me to join in her team. The special team who responsible to create a new student book for Young Adult students. I said yes and then I went back to BTP.

I had no idea how am I supposed to teach my students with my condition. I lost my voice, I only can whisper. And it wasn’t okay.

I couldn’t order food, I couldn’t answer telephone, I couldn’t speak anything at all.

So how was my class?
Honestly, it was quite well. I made a greeting cards. It said “Good afternoon”, “how are you today?”, “I can’t speak”, and “I lost my voice”. So my students knew about my condition.

And they were very cooperative! Although I have to write every single thing I have to say so whiteboard was full. But it was okay. The only thing I found hard teaching them is pronunciation. Especially a new vocabulary. So I whispered them.

It is hard to live without voice. It is really! When I got home with ojek, it was difficult to tell where he should take me.

I can’t remember the last time I lost my voice because of cough. Wish me luck tomorrow!

RI

Get in Shape

Belakangan ini saya sering sekali sakit.

Ini saja gejala pilek sudah datang. Tenggorokan sakit, kepala pusing, suhu badan hangat.

Padahal hari ini ada empat kelas yang mau diisi. Ada tambahan satu kelas di jam 2 karena guru yang biasanya ngajar masih di kampung.

Dini, one of my bestfriend, nanya soal mau daftar OJK apa tidak. Dan saya jawab gak minat soalnya kemarin daftar CPNS dan BPJS malah gak lolos bahkan berkas pun tidak. Saya juga udah malas memikirkan cara buat escape dari kantor, mengingat ijazah sarjana masih ditahan. Setahun tiga bulan lagi kontrak berakhir. Saya mau sabar aja sampai waktunya tiba. Sambil melakukan aktivitas lain.

Dan yang terpenting sekarang bagaimana bisa menjaga kesehatan supaya tidak terus-terusan begini.

Kemarin niat mau fitness. Mama bilang dekat rumah saja, gak usah jauh-jauh. Saya pikir iya juga, soalnya kantor juga jaraknya 15 menit maksimal naik motor. Jadi pagi bisa olahraga, siang kerja, malam bisa istirahat.

I gotta go. I have to be in office before 1 pm.

RI

Blessing

Selamat hari raya Idul Adha!
Pagi ini saya bangun pukul 9. I have my period so I didn’t do the pray. Setelah keluargaku pulang solat, seperti biasa, kami melakukan ritual sungkeman.

Bapak dan Mama duduk berdekatan. Kemudian satu persatu anaknya menyalami tangan dan meminta maaf. Saya, yang baru bangun saat ritual berlangsung, tanpa cuci muka dan gosok gigi, langsung berlutut dan memeluk mereka satu persatu.

Saya tak mengatakan “maafkan Pak”. Saya hanya memeluk Bapak dan beliau balas memeluk. Setelah itu, dengan masih berlutut, saya melingkarkan tanganku ke pinggang Mama.

Mama membelai kepalaku. Sambil terisak, beliau berdoa. Doanya jelas dan terang.
“Semoga bisako menikah cepat Nak. Semoga ta’buka jodohmu Nak”. Doa itu terus dirapalkan dan saya hanya diam mendengar dan terus memeluk. Dalam hati saya menjawab “aamiin” berkali-kali.

Sungguh, memiliki orangtua seperti Bapak dan Mama adalah berkah yang takkan pernah kudustakan.

RI

Sick

Beberapa jam yang lalu mustinya saya ke kantor. Saya sudah minta Lulu buat menunggu supaya bisa keluar sama-sama. Tapi setelah mandi, perut saya sakit sekali. Kemarin perut saya juga nyeri. Perempuan perlu merasakan baik-baik jika perutnya sakit karena itu bisa berarti banyak hal. Kuduga, saya dapat nyeri haid.

Tapi saya tak pernah dapat nyeri seperti ini sejak saya haid belasan tahun lalu.

Kemudian saat sakitnya tak tertahankan, saya mengambil keputusan untuk kembali berjongkok ke kamar mandi.

Dan kemudian saya muntah. Seluruh sarapan saya keluar dengan paksaan dari dalam. Asam. Rasanya ingin pingsan di dalam sana, tapi aku harus kuat setidaknya membersihkan badanku.

Nyeri perutku tidak juga hilang malah semakin kuat. Saya takut tidak bisa ke kantor, saya takut harus dilarikan ke rumah sakit.

Saya minum air hangat dan memohon untuk selimut. Saya kedinginan, lemas, dan nyeri perut. Sepersekian detik kemudian, saya muntah lagi.

Dan akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk tidak ke kantor, menenggak Mefinal untuk penghilang nyeri, membungkus badanku dengan selimut dan tidur.

Saat memutuskan menulis ini saya kembali ingat bagaimana di tengah-tengah merasa sakit, saya mengingat mati. Saya tak pernah butuh takut untuk mati. Tapi saya pikir, mati pasti rasanya sakit, dan saya takut sakit.

Dan betapa mahalnya menjadi sehat.

RI

Insurgent

Hello!
Been a week not post something here. I am currently reading Veronica Roth’s Insurgent. It is cool.

So many bad news happened in a week. But good things also occured.

My sister’s backpack was stolen. Her laptop and wallet has gone. The baby twins are still in hospital without any good progress. and it affects me emotionally. It’s just so hard to smile and feel energetic in class.

But besides those things, there are good news. Things to thank for. Things that makes me realize Allah never sleeps. We are heard. Prays are answered. It will be. Insha Allah.

One of the good news is I had a new phone. I am using it now to type this. I wanted to use iPhone since ages.

My two used phones, I gave them to my sisters. My parents cannot afford them to a new ones so I guess it was a really nice idea to charity them to my sisters. Now everybody has a phone. Everybody’s happy.

@RI’s